Simply · ME

today was the nicest day ever...Lo and I spent the day together..i called out of work to spend time with her. we went to the zoo and the park...everything was lovely...i miss her and wish that she didn't go home.

She came to Dara's house with me last night and met my family. I told them she's my firend and let them draw their own conclusions. I haven't talked to my mother yet so we'll see what happens. my aunt outed me to my grandmother who was apparently cool with it.
i don't know. but i know that i want my lo here with me. she's sooo beautiful...inside and out. what more could a girl ask for? i mean really now.

Its a wonderful feeling to have finally met the woman of my dreams. she's perfect...she's smart and beautiful and kind and anything else that someone should be....i wish she was here with me now but she's at work. I can't wait to see her tonight. Reality sucks...who needs a job? who needs to go to shcool? All i need is to be with my Skie!

What is this love thing all about?? When you fall in love with someone doesn't it mean that you'll just end up with heartache??
Is it worth all that? I guess it must be b/c people are falling in love all the time and those who aren't are seeking to do so. I don't get it. I can't rationalize what this love thing is. Why do people fall in love? How long does it take someone to fall in love?? Why do people want to be in love?
I guess its just one of those things that is.

Okay well it was really only orientation but I'm getting paid for it so it was work. It sucked; it was sooooooooo boring! However, I did find out that they do offer vision and dental, as well as the regular medical, benefits to same sex spouses. The HRC said that they don't. I e-mailed them and told them that fortunately they do. So I hope they update their information. I am however, having conflicting feelings about working for a corporation...capitalism and globalization, two things I really don't believe in. But then they do some good things, too, i.e. Habitat for Humanity, if you donate money to a charity they match your contribution, ya know shit like that. So....is the glass half empty or is it half full???
Tomorrow I work from 9-1, Tuesday from 8-5 (I think. I might have written it down wrong but I'm not sure.) Wednesday from 5pm-10pm, and Thursday from 9am-2pm...not bad I guess. I could work way more but apparently they don't want me to. probably b/c i'll only be setting up the store and doing training.
Even though the orientation sucked i feel way better about myself now that I actually have a job.
Life seems to be looking up. Oh yeah, as a part-time employee I can get benefits which is pretty cool, and even though I'm not married, if I were to get married, regardless of the sex of my partner, they could get benefits too. AWESOME!!!

I noticed that most of the women, actually I think all but me, are cashiers, and all the men, except for one are on the floor. I also noticed that it was mostly white men, and minority women. Isn't that odd?? I guess they figure by hiring minority women they're filling two quotas at once and then they can hire more white men...I don't know. However, I do know that the majority of the minority men there are not going to be on the floor. They're more behind the scenes...shipping, receiving etc. Messed up isn't it?

Yes, it is true. I can't find a job, school sucks everything sucks.
X-mas is around the corner -- I have no money.
I have a whole bunch of NOTHING but bad luck.
Karma is NO joke!!! All the bad shit I ever did is now catching up with me and it sux!!
I've been going good deeds lately and it sooooooo is NOT helping!
I think I'm meant to learn some kind of lesson but what it is as of yet I have no clue.

Here's what I learned this weekend...Power produces knowledge. We learn that heterosexuality is "right." Power also produces the chance for resistance...homosexuality is right! Sex is not equal to gender which does not determine who we desire. Gender is a performance we put on. There is no core identity. The actions we take everyday to perform out gender create our identity. Gender is fluid and should be used as such in order to unlearn what we have learned thereby creating equality between the sexes. So yeah, I guess that makes sense to me.

For my final paper (Gender, Media, Culture) I will examine "The L Word" and see how various characters do or do not push the gender limits. I'm not sure just how far it pushes the envelope as of yet...I will need to re-watch. YAY! However, I do believe that "The L Word," even though moving past certain boundaries, still remains within hegemonic ideology.

Gender is fluid!! What defines masculine and feminine? Physical appearance, personality, both? Probably both. Do we attribute aggressiveness to masculinity? Do we attribute passiveness to femininity? How can we really do that? I think this is what Butler is trying to say...me, being a female can be aggressive, passive, loud, quite, whatever depending on the situation. Gender changes from situation to situation...which leads me to think..does gender really exist? I guess it exists because we make it exist.

Life, so full of intricacies.

I got the job at Home Depot...provided that I passs the drug test and background check. I'm not worried about the drug test...I bought an 'at-home drug test.' I just checked it and it's NEGATIVE!! Yay! The backgroung check is all I have to worry about now. Provided that is okay for them, then I will be working in the garden department making $9.42 per hour. The pay sucks but its a job. I'm going to look for another job, too. Just in case this one doesn't come through.

I MISS JESSICA!!! What am I going to do over winter break? I'll never see her. :( I can't wait until tomorrow! She'll be here and we'll go out and have a GREAT time.

Sara's back today. She hasn't come home yet but she's in the state. I hate having a roommate...I don't hate her, just living with her. Its not just her, I would hate living with anyone as a roommate.

My lips are so chapped. They hurt so bad. I was just pciking at them and I think I made it bleed. this weather sucks!!!!!!!!

I have to write an 8-10 page research paper by Monday... guess I'll go work on that.

I will no longer be watching Top Model. They booted Kim....figures they would kick the lesbian off! I'm so angry and sad. I'm gonna miss her sooooooo much. There's really no point to me watching the show anymore so I'm just not going to. Yes, I realize there's only one episode left. however, I refuse to tune in. She would come and visit me every Wednesday and pose for me and talk to me...but not anymore. :( I feel like I just lost a friend...okay not really but still.

Part of me feels like going out tonight...the other part of me really doesn't. It's cold out, and I really don't have anyone to go out with. That shouldn't be a problem but I don't really want to go out alone. I don't know enough people to do shit like that. I'll be the girl in the corner by herself. There's no one around that I want to go out with. I don't know what I should do. I really do feel like going out for a beer..then the question becomes where should I go? Decisions. Decisions. It's sooooo cold out! That really deters me from wanting to leave the house.

Yes...I am bored. I have nothing to do on a lovely Sunday night. Okay, that's a lie...I have plenty of homework to do. But who the hell wants to do homework? I keep trying to add Jessica as a friend and it seems to not be working. I have no other friends who have this live journal thingy so...apparenbtly I have no friends here. Sara's not home and won't be back until Friday..house to myself!!! HELL YEAH! Jessica is home, not here. *sobbing* (just kidding) but missing her very much. So yeah that's really it.